If you knew my Pain
by Gatomon1
Summary: Alright...BE WARNED! YAOI! Yes, I've written yaoi, but it's a gift fic, and that's my excuse. It's very mild, kenkeru, sad, depressing, and all that stuff. Please read and review!


Um…yeah…okay. May as well get this over with. I would like to announce to the world that I, Gatomon_1, the 'sworn yaoi hater,' as Kate would say, have written a yaoi *shudders* fic. I must say…it has been harder than the Mishirou I wrote. Harder then the Mimoe I wrote. Harder, even, the Kenako that I wrote. Harder, even, then it would be to write ALL of those, AND TWO Soratos, and I hate that couple with a PASSION! Um…yeah…*reminds herself that she did not come here to bash other couples, and backs away as many fans of her hated couples advance, sharp, pointy objects in their hands.* um…Long live all coupes? Hehehe…

Anyway, enough with that. Yes, so, this is my first, AND ONLY yaoi. The couple is Kenkeru, kinda, if you were wondering. And, the yaoi is a bit mild. But if you don't like it, I advise you to leave.

Dedication: To my great friend, Keia, to TRY to repay you for that beautiful Yakari, one-sided though it might have been! I know this will never repay you, but I hope that it at LEAST meets your expectations. I hope you like!

~*If you knew my Pain*~

~*TK's point of View*~

I looked at him, his smile as bright as day, even in the darkness of the evening. His dark hair looked perfect, as the moon shone down, illuminating it.

It was a beautiful evening…but to me, he looked even more beautiful. Sometimes, I don't know how I live with him not knowing.

Ken and I had developed a close friendship over the past few months. But, I wasn't quite satisfied with just friendship.

Of course, I'd _never, ever,_ in a _million_ years tell him that. Who knew what he'd think? Plus. No one knew, yet, that I was…well, gay. So, really, I don't know how he'd respond.

So I simply didn't tell him, even though it was harder then hell to bear.

On this beautiful night, we were walking home from the movie we had just seen. I can't remember anything from the movie…or even the title, really. All I know is that I stared at him the whole time.

Anyway, before long, we reached my dad's apartment. The lights in all the rooms were burning brightly, which was a small surprise. Usually dad was in bed earlier.

Yeah, usually I stay at my mom's place. But Matt and I had decided to switch for a few weeks…get to know our parents better. You know. Some parent-and-son-who-don't-see-each-other-much time together.

Ken walked me up towards the door to my father's rooms with me. I don't know why. He just did.

My dad was sitting there, on the couch, just staring at nothing. That came as a surprise, too. Not even the TV was on.

As we entered the room, he looked up. "TK," he greeted me, nervously running his hands through his hair. "I'm glad you're home. I need to talk to you."

Ken slowly started to back away to the door, not wanting to get in-between our conversation. My dad just cast a glance at him, and motioned for him to stay. "Stay, Ken. You need to hear this too."

He took a deep breath and began to pace the room. Back and forth. Back and forth. It was almost hypnotizing. Finally he stopped and looked straight at us. Both of us. "Sit down," he said, his voice strained.

We did as ordered. He took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair again. He seemed more agitated then I'd ever seen him before. "Boys," he said, looking away. "I'd like you both to meet someone."

Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem. Meeting someone. Big deal. But the way that he said it…

He took another deep breath. "TK, Ken, I'd like you to meet you're mother."

I almost dismissed it. My mom. Big deal. But then I stopped.

You're. He said 'you're mother.' Right? As in…two people? As in, more than one person?

As in…both of us?

I shook my head to clear it, and stood to my feet. "What are you _talking_ about?" I could hear my voice. It sounded strange to my ears. Shaky. Unbelieving. Dad had to be wrong! I didn't understand! And I was almost certain that Ken didn't, either.

Dad sat down directly across from us, trying to look calm, cool, and collected.

It didn't work. He was nervous. It was beyond easy to tell.

"A…a long time ago," he began. "Well…I guess not all that long ago. Maybe 15 years…I met a woman. Well…not really a…never mind. We'll get into that in a few minutes. Anyway, I met her, and we fell in love. I didn't seem to care that she was evil, and she didn't seem to care that I wasn't. Anyway…you two are the outcome of that love. Twins, really. Fraternal twins."

He looked up, looking relieved to have said it.

I just stared. "And…mom? Ken's parents?"

Dad looked away. "Friends of mine. I needed help, when Aru left for her world. I couldn't let you two know…Aru made me promise. Anyway, my friends agreed to help me. To pretend to be your mother. And to pretend to be Ken's parents."

I almost choked. No. It couldn't be. It was IMPOSSIBLE. I mean…most kids, it would be fine. Finding out that you're best friend was actually your brother.

But Ken wasn't just my best friend. I loved him. He couldn't be my brother!

But Dad wasn't finished yet. "Um…but there's another complication. Aru wasn't really a woman. She was…something else. A creature belonging to a kind that you know of. She came to this world, looking for victims…and found me."

He stood up, and walked towards a door that led to another room. "TK, Ken, meet you're mother." And he opened the door.

As if I hadn't gone through enough, learning that Ken was my BROTHER. As if I hadn't gone through enough, learning that I could never be with the one that I loved. Not properly. It wouldn't be right, and it would forever be there between us. As if that wasn't enough.

No. We had to meet our mother. And wait…Dad had said that she wasn't…human. And that meant…?

Yeah. Ken being my brother. Meeting my 'real' mother. Totally enough for me. I didn't NEED anything more.

But, of course, it just had to be our enemy standing there before us. Before us, just had to stand the evil Arukenimon. 

~*Ken's point of View*~

And there she stood before us. Arukenimon. Just the mental sound of her name made me want to spit.

This wasn't right. It wasn't true! TK wasn't my brother. His Dad wasn't mine. And this…this…_creature_…wasn't my mom!

It was impossible! How…how could _anyone_ fall in love with someone so evil? But here it was…the man who was supposedly my _real_ rather, had fallen in love with my worst enemy…my _real_ mother.

With that, I leapt from the couch, running towards the door. 

"Ken!" my _Dad_ called after me. TK didn't call me. He was probably too busy staring at Arukenimon, disgust most likely showing in his eyes.

I just ran. Ran, and ran, and ran. Hadn't I lived through enough pain in my life? _Hadn't I?_

But no. The enemy had to be my mother. And the one person that I really, truly loved had to be my brother.

I had known that he loved me. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. When he smiled at me, when he talked to me.

But I had never told him that I returned those emotions. I had always felt something holding me back.

This must have been it. I must have, subconsciously felt that this day would come. I must have, deep down, known that he was my brother.

And now, we could never be together. How terrible was that?

About as terrible as anything could get. 

I eventually made it to the park. Without a word, I fell to my knees, the sobs raking through my body.

This couldn't be happening! No. The only person that I cared about in the whole world was TK! And now, even he was taken from me!

I just sat there and cried. Oh, God…wouldn't my pain ever end?

"Came as a surprise, didn't it?" her voice made me boil with anger. _Her._ I couldn't eve associate the word 'Mother,' with her.

"What do you _think_?" I rasped.

She just looked at me. "You love him."

I just glared. 

"You know, for so long I have tried to kill you all. You six Digidestined. And the originals, too. But really, it's only been to kill you and you're brother. I didn't ever want you to find out."

I just glared at her some more. "So kill me," I hissed. "Kill me know and end my suffering. It's what you wanted."

She just shook her head. "But you know, now. So it wouldn't be any good."

"It would do _me_ good."

She sighed. "There's another factor. For the time being, I am good. But as soon as I take one life, no matter who's life it may be, I will be returned to my evil self. And for now, I want to enjoy some time with you're father. Getting to know him again."

"Then I'll have to kill myself!" was the only answer I could give. "You'd make it easier if you'd just do it yourself." I spat. "You ruined my life. You RUINED my LIFE! So if by _any_ weird chance you happen to care at all about me, and I happen to be you're _son,_ then just _kill _me."

I guess that got through to her, because she looked slightly surprised. 

I wanted to die. I was nothing without TK. I didn't want to live without him. Without his love, I'd be miserable. And so I wanted to die.

She just stared sadly at me. I shrugged, and dug into my pocket for my pocketknife. 

I guess I would just have to end my life myself.

"You're serious?" she asked me. I only nodded. 

"One last chance," I offered. And then I changed my tone. I didn't want to kill myself. I'd rather _be_ killed. "Please."

I guess that got through to her even more. She looked back to me. "You say that the same way that you're Father always did. And I could never resist him when he said it like that."

_So I guess I'm on the right track,_ I thought.

"Please," I begged again. "Please kill me. I don't want to live without being able to love TK. Please."

"So that's it," she said sadly.

And so she took my life.

And the last thing I heard was Arukenimon's…which just happened to be my mother's…voice, as it's sadness turned into an evil laugh, telling me that the transition from good to evil had been made.

And the last thing I saw was TK's horrified gaze as he ran towards me, eyes wide, mouth open in a silent scream.

THE END.

*is trying not to shudder, then remembers her resolve to never bash a couple again* okay. Okay, I'm done. Now I don't have to do that again.

And yes, Arukenimon WAS out of character. She was SUPPOSED to be, kk? Anyway…I hope that everyone liked. Please review! 

Gatomon_1


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